You Get Exactly What You Settle For

As per our usual conversations about the opposite sex, my longtime friend Nicole and I vented to one another about our current issues with the dating scene we’ve both become all too familiar with. Fellas, stick around, I promise there won’t be any male-bashing… this time. Let’s dig into this rant!

Like many women our age, or at least in our circle, we’re both thinking long-term when it comes to the type of men we entertain. But what I’ve found is that boredom, laziness, complacency, and fear, has many women (and men) settling for the first thing that looks in their direction. We adapt this “as good as it’s gonna get” type of mentality and force ourselves into believing that what we settle for is all that’s out there. Let’s dig a bit deeper. How often do we ask God (or whichever higher power you call upon) to send us the man or woman of our dreams and are ready to start claiming the first attractive face that passes us once we say amen? How can we be so sure that this isn’t just a way of testing our patience? Let’s keep digging.

What if I told you that the very thing you’re settling for is the very thing that’s hindering you from what you actually want? Look at it like this, you’re asking for a long-term, committed relationship – and there’s a man/woman out there looking in your direction. But here you are, jumping from situation to situation with your business in everyone’s mouth. The type of person you’re searching for will never approach you if they notice you entertain everything that they’re not. That works in both aspects. If a guy/girl sees that you only date those who are hard workers, goal setters, and are actually about something, those who don’t possess those traits won’t bother looking your direction. You attract the same energy you give off; but you’ll never know what you’re giving off if you don’t actually take the time to know yourself.

The key is to know what you want and don’t want. If you don’t want a husband/wife (thinking long-term) with a ready-made family, stop dating individuals with kids. You want a man that’s about his business with a go-getter mentality, stop falling for the guys that sit at home playing madden all day. Fellas, you want a woman who will share the load with you, mother your children, and weather the storm when things get rough, then stop playing house with the girls that only wants to turn up everyday and hang out every night. My point is, if it’s not what you want, don’t settle with it. I know it gets boring after a while of being “the single friend” (and trust me, I know more that I’d like to admit about being that friend) but it’s you who have the best experiences. Take this time to date different types of people to truly understand your own personal likes and dislikes, what baggage you can and cannot accept and what it is you really are searching for. This time is for you and about you. Don’t falter. Don’t settle. Keep going.

– Yolanda Danae’