Throw The Whole ‘Friend’ Away
For the most part, we have a working knowledge of the role we play in people’s lives, especially those we call our friends. We could be the one they call when they’re having money problems, or the one that comes to the rescue in a time of crisis. That said, we know who to call on when we’re in certain moods or have certain issues going on, just like we know who to expect a call from and when. At some point though, a person’s need for your role will change — with or without notice.Many people will say we live in microwave times where everyone craves the right now gratification. I feel the same can be said for friendships. People want the friend that’s going to stand over the stove and doctor what’s in the pot until it’s ready to be served to everyone at the table. In exchange, they’ll boil water with a pinch of salt and complain you don’t taste as good. Are y’all following me here? We spend time making our friends look good to the world and in return, we’re discarded once their need for our role is complete.
Have you ever considered the position you’re assigned to in the lives of people you interact with? Notice I said position, very different from the role you play. Let’s say you’re hired for a job, let’s say as a cashier in retail. Your position is cashier, but your role can vary depending on the needs each day. You could be unloading the truck, running for price checks + layaways, you could even be called to unclog and clean up the big stall in the women’s bathroom. That’s the difference between what you’re brought in to do, and what you’re assigned to do. Roles vs. Position. Keeping with this same concept, imagine you work for a law firm as a temp. You don’t have a set position with the firm – you’re employed to assist on a special project for a certain amount of time before you’re terminated. Just as you’ll be let go from the job, you’ll also be let go from the ‘friendship’.
It’s important to assess the situation you’re in before catching feelings about the way a person has been navigating. We’re quick to say “He’s acting funny”, or “She’s throwing shade”, but are they? This is when you have to figure out if you have a position in that person’s life or if you were just there to fill a role. You can’t be upset at the way a person is moving when the position you assumed you had doesn’t reflect the role they know they assigned you to. Again, before you get worked up over their throw the whole friend away attitude, ask yourself if friend was ever your position to begin with.
— Yolanda Danae’