It’s Not His Fault You Haven’t Moved On

It’s Not His Fault You Haven’t Moved On

Finally, you’ve mustered up enough strength to do it. Not only did you unfriend and block him on  Instagram and Facebook, but you even deleted his contact, message thread and even those locked screenshots you dropped in the group chat. It’s been a good while since the two of you last had contact and you’ve been doing good saving face and pretending like his existence was just a fragment of your imagination. As you’re going about your own life, you know, Minding Your Business and Growing Your Edges (plug), you get a text message. No, not from Dude, but from your friend. It’s a screenshot from his Instagram (because she clearly didn’t get the memo that when you blocked him, she was to do the same). Now you’re sitting here staring at a picture of him and his new chick overlooking the beautiful island of Jamaica and toasting to another year together. Nice.

Let me just say that this is in fact a very true story. Who’s true story is for you to figure out. Anyway, you’re looking at this picture and all of these unexplainable emotions start pouring in. Now you’re in your feelings and writing a response to your homegirl questioning why she’s even still following him and why she felt the need to throw their picture in your face. But you don’t, you remember you’re a mature adult (sike) that can handle situations in which you feel powerless. You type, “Going forward, please do not feel obligated to update me on his dealings. He’s no longer my concern.” You hit send, albeit still feeling a little defeated. Are you mad at your girl for  opening up an old wound, or are you just a little embarrassed to admit that the wound is still there? Maybe a little of both.

Watching a person who promised you the world give it to someone else is never going to leave you with a good feeling. No matter how much you say you’re unbothered by it, if it’s causing you to think twice or feel a way about something they’ve done (or posted) you may not be as “over it” as you claim. And that’s okay. I understand that it’s not easy giving up on a situation you think is worth fighting for, but what happens when you’re the only one who’s fighting? At some point, you have to follow suite and move on. Sometimes, you’ve got to love a person enough to allow them to find happiness even if that isn’t with you anymore. Life happens, people change, they move away, start families, find new love, and it’s alright. They are entitled to do that… as are you. Your history with one another means nothing the moment they start giving the love they once gave you to someone else.

Understand that you’re only holding yourself back by waiting around for them to see that you are where they should be. Their actions will show you everything their words won’t tell you. He’s moved on my dear, it’s your turn now. You owe it to yourself.

– Yolanda Danae’