It’s About Respect
A few weeks ago I did storytime with Londiee on my Instagram and went on a rant about my pet peeve of the day. At the time, it happened to be about a situation that had taken place a couple months prior and had recently resurfaced — this time with a new person. I posed the question, “Why ignore someone you speak to daily when you can just come out and say that you’ve gotten back with an ex?” Of course, no one had the answers. And of course, at the time, I hadn’t yet realized that history would be repeating itself again.
There’s really no need for a backstory here as I’m sure you’ve all experienced this. Whether the relationship was romantic or platonic, we can all relate to having someone we vibe’d with go along as if we never existed when they start entertaining someone new. Some may question why I bother feeling any type of way when we’re “just friends,” but I think there’s some validity to my frustration. Simply put, it’s blatant disrespect. I only recently realized this as the situation arose again when someone I considered to be a friend slide into a relationship and for some reason has been ignoring me in the process. Let me go on record saying this:
- I don’t care if you’re in a relationship.
- I don’t care if you’ve gotten back with your ex.
- I don’t care that you “need” to cease communication.
What I do care about is the lack of courtesy. There’s absolutely nothing at all wrong with coming to me or any person for that matter and saying “Yeah, me and so and so decided to try this thang again.” I don’t have an issue with you saying “Ol girl and I are gonna work things out, just letting you know why you won’t be hearing from me as much.” I’m perfectly ok with all that — but to basically cut me of as if I was the one who did something wrong to you, that’s pretty much a slap in my face. Then I’m reminded that this sort of disappointment (because truly, I’m disappointed) is self inflicted. It’s my own fault for holding people to the same standard I hold myself to when I should’ve learned long ago that most are incapable of reciprocating what I give out.
The only solution I could come up with was dissociation. I know some of y’all are reading this and giving me the illest eye roll while simultaneously thinking about how extra I’m being, but hear me out. If I can’t trust that you’ll extend the same courtesies to me that I would extend to you, then you’ve made the level of respect you have (or don’t have) for me very clear. If you’ve made a choice to block out my existence, I have to make a choice to do the same. No love lost, only respect.
– Yolanda Danae’