I sat down last night to take notes while the house was quiet enough to pause and reflect. For the past few months, I’ve been growing though a few phases and changes. Some mental and spiritual, others physical and emotional. I know it’s been some time since you’ve heard from me, and I apologize about that. I want to be completely honest with you about where I am right now so please be patient as I share.
Over the past few months, I’ve been, as Racine would say, in a cocoon. This phase sounds exactly like what it is – me being enveloped in protective casing undergoing extensive transformation. Leading up to this point, as early as my trip to San Francisco last March, I knew the Universe was beginning to do the work I had been putting off. Small changes began to happen to my skin, migraines became part of my daily routine, my posture started to shift, as did many of my personal relationships. Thinking back to summer 18, I distinctively recall telling Ra, “it was the beginning of the end of a friendship.” Yet I sat idle and let the chips fall whenever, however.
Life was happening for me, and because I refused to do the work – ending the friendships, changing my eating habits, taking time to nurture myself; Life started happening to me. The changes to my skin became more visible (maybe we’ll talk about this in another post), the migraines started causing issues with my vision, so many things – all because I fought against the tide. So here I am reflecting on how things have been unfolding and I’m ready to wave the white flag. I surrender.
No longer will I fight against the tide by not actively participating and showing up in life. I surrender to the fact that when you know better, you have an obligation to do better or face the consequences. I surrender and acknowledge that I deserve to treat myself with the same levels of love and concern that I so willingly give to others.
Surrendering also means admitting I left you hanging. I focused so much on producing events, providing services, and working for others that I abandoned the one thing that’s brought us together – this blog. The tide is pulling me back into the water, back to the work… for the first time in a long time, I surrender.