Fellas, When Was The Last Time…
The other night I asked a handful of guys when was the last time a woman had asked or taken them on a date. And I mean a real date, not a “Hey babe, let’s go to Applebee’s for a 2 for $20, your treat.” I mean a real date — one where she picks you up, takes you to a new spot, recommends something good for you to try on the menu, and takes care of the check at the end. I’m envisioning a cross between Destiny’s Child “Cater 2 U” and Usher’s “Trading Places.” But hey, that’s not what happens in the real world and I’m sure you would agree.
After a brief conversation about dating, the question surfaced in the forefront of my mind. Had I ever really asked and followed through with taking a man on a date before? Do men really care about this kind of thing, you know, having their woman or potential love interest take the lead every now and again? Rather than run circles in my mind to get a better understanding, I took to social media and decided to ask the guys directly. I asked “When was the last time a woman asked you on a date/ Why, in your opinion, don’t women ask more often/ What’s stopping you (ladies) from shooting your shot? “ to which 18 men and 8 women responded. I expected the responses to be a bit generic and for the most part they were. But of course, I pushed the envelope a little and forced more of a dialogue with the guys. Here are some of their responses:
I’ll hold off on answering the question until the end, but here’s what some of the ladies had to say:
As I said to King Braize via Twitter, I feel that men handle rejection better than women — I’ve since learned that is an alternative fact. Personally, there’s an internal struggle I have with not only putting myself out there to ask a man on a date, but there’s only certain instances where I’ll do so. My hesitation is deeply rooted in my fear of the “aight, SIS, we could do that” response after I ask. Unless I’m absolutely certain there’s a mutual interest, typically, I won’t speak up. Not always though. There are the rare occasions where I let my homegirls gas me up, filling my head with a false sense of confidence I know isn’t even buried inside of them — but I digress. My asking happens one of two ways, and again, these ways are dependent solely on my rapport with said dude.
- Hey *Mike*, let’s grab drinks this weekend.
- Hey *Mike*, I’m taking you out this weekend, which day works for you?
The first leaves more room for rejection but is casual and can still be asked in platonic (I’m not sure if he likes me) situations. The later is more of a statement, still a little room to be turned down, BUT shows that you’re making a demand, not a request. See where I’m going? Either way, I’m still a little apprehensive about making that initial move if I’m not sure dude is checking for me the way I am for him.
“So Yolanda, was the point of this rant to subliminally ‘shoot your shot’ at a blurry target?” I don’t know Reader, was the purpose of you sharing it with your ‘special friend’ a bait to shoot yours? Only y(our) homies will know. This post has somehow led me to another leg of the topic, but I’ll save that for next week. From my mini research on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, it seems that most men have never been taken out by a woman they (a) weren’t already in a relationship with or (b) didn’t have to front the bill. I also concluded that most women (a) feel that the pursuit is solely a task for the fellas, (b) is unconventional and (c) are afraid of rejection. Though so many of the brothas are expressing how let down they feel or how sexy it’d be to have a woman make the first move, my sistas don’t seem to be down with it. So where does that leave us? Ladies, do we sit back and watch a more courageous woman take our would be man right from our grips? Or are we going to start claiming our keep? I think it’s time we face ourselves and address the issue at hand because there’s no way we can keep letting the good ones get away. Something has got to change, and maybe, just maybe, that change is us.
– Yolanda Danae’